Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Of Khokababus

When I got married I got introduced to a new set of men... male members of my new family.They were different from the males in our family. All at once I realised that I came from a family where the women were educated, broad minded, strong, vocal and definitely had an opinion. The men in our family, who were nearly all professors and lawyers by profession, were uber-educated, tolerant and peace-loving and that is why we children - girls and boys alike - grew up with a lot of freedom and space. The household (households, if you consider the extended family) was run in a fair and democratic way.


In my in-laws household, the males seemed to be domineering and very feudal in their ways. While we (in our childhood) were taught that it was uncouth to show arrogance, this new family of mine revelled in arrogance. This show of false attitude irked me for a long while. After a while I learned to respect the relationships (too late to cut loose), if not the men themselves.

This post is all about Khokababu - my new acquaintance. I have never ever known another person like Khokababu, and it makes me wonder about the male of the human species. This man is a stuffy pompous ass. He has an ego as inflated as a hot-air balloon ....and we all know how empty balloons are.This man (I cannot call him a gentleman) comes from a baniya Bengali family ( a very bad combination. Baniya Gujjus and baniya Marwaris are better people). The Khokababu was educated at an ordinary school (I have great respect for the term 'middle class' , and therefore will not use it here), and then at an upmarket College . What he does for a living is inconsequential, but his inter-personal skills are very, very poor indeed. The 'feudal bangali' attitude remains in him to the hilt. And the upbringing has obviously been poor because his unrefined ways shows in oh so many ways.


However, how he chooses to live his life is no concern of mine. Except that it left me thinking about such 'alpha-male' people that all of us have to encounter at some point of time. Why do these 'Khokababus" of society force themselves on others?


Why do others take these so called men lying down, and give in to their whims? A big pity that these sort of of egoistic, empty, arrogant, pompous people exist. Could their parents not teach them basic human qualities like tolerance, sympathy, compassion? Why is 'I' so BIG in their world? Followed almost immediately by 'MY'. .... .'MY IDEA'......'I DO NOT APPRECIATE' ...... 'IN MY OPINION'.........

MY dear man, does it strike you that your opinion, your appreciation, is not the end all and be all of everything. The sun doesn't exactly shine out of.........

The term Khokababu is used to denote these not-very-mature 'big boys' who behave like six year olds. Throw a tantrum when they are put in a situation of conflict. Pull on the 'I' act when their so called 'entity' is threatened and definitely behave in an all round uncouth fashion without any respect for age, gender, chair and most important....insaan.

From one insaan to another......can we not expect a little more refined behaviour from the Khokababus of this world? Can these pompous people grow up? And not be little boys. Could they face reality with some straightforward, old fashioned courage, and not hide away.(not that we want to see too much of them......)

Most often these people are not too above board and their skewed thought process would delight a psycho-analyst.

I have to admit that most men I have dealt with are fair and just. They have their quirky ways, but on the whole they are tolerant and gentle.Quite good company some of them......not so good the others.

The object of this post is to ask my readers.......do you know of such people? How many? How often do you meet this kind of Khokababus?Are they easy to deal with? I hope the Khokababus of the world are an abberation. I am sure they are.

Responses please.

R.I.P. the 'chowanni'


It was sad to read about the death of the 'chowanni'. At one time, many, many moons ago it was a much coveted item ...... came to us only on Saturday mornings. The 'chowanni' in the sixties bought me a bottle of Coca Cola (the 'asli' American stuff) and perhaps a toffee too. The Coke at that time was probably the most costly item on the 'chowanni' list. The indigenous "Jusla" or "Nimbula" cost 20 paise. Even in the '70s a 'banta' (in Delhi) would cost att anni .

A 'chowanni' got us a wooden top with a latti....... a great toy to show off ones skill in lattu khela.
In the rainy season with the gusty winds tugging at my wild unkempt hair, a 'chowanni' could fetch a few paper kites with some manja string. The joy of flying a kite from our roof top, with the wind tugging the kite high, high, high up in the sky was something nearly sublime. Hemant Jalan had once offered to do my school homework for the princely sum of a 'chowanni'. Unfortunately Dad got the wind of it, and the plan died a sudden death. When I was very, very young (in the Keyatala house), a copper paise with a hole in the centre got two gujias at the local mishtir dokan.

A few years later a 'chowanni' would take me to the school tuck-shop where a small bar of Cadbury's (white wrapper with purple logo) would cost 2 annas. That was the most expensive chocolate in our tuck-shop. Jujubes came for one anna for 10, and a biggish stick of barley sugar would cost the same. Lacto Bonbons and Morton's toffees would cost 5 paise for 10. The old man in front of the Rink cinema at Darjeeling would sell second hand Archie comics at 'chowanni' ........ this was the height of "contraband" in our school life.

Even as late as 1975, a soda-nimbu at North Campus would cost a 'chowanni' and 'char annar size' rosogolla was common in all mishtir dokan in Calcutta. In Etawa station a 'chowanni' could get us pua tak rabri. Plus the thrill of running after the Deluxe Mail with the rabri dripping from an indigenous leaf-plate. The sheer defiance of having a malai lassi in Banaras ( even after Ma had read the Riot Act on the consumption of street food) came at 'chowanni'. Just as much a 'chowanni' bought me strength and comfort in the cold December nights in Delhi in the form of samose aur malai chai.

The 'chowanni' could actually pay for a two-way bus fare from College in 1972 with 5 paise to spare, and when the bus fares went upto 15 paise, there were widespread protests in Calcutta. A 'chowanni' worth bus ride took me from Bhawanipur to Paikpara on the top deck of a No 33 bus, and brought me safely home with a return ticket. Those were great days!

It is a pity that the 'chowanni' died away in the great path of economic advancement. With it died a large part of my childhood.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

A Legacy

My parents may not have left a whole lot of material things for their four grandchildren, but both the grandparents left a deep sense of music in all their grandchildren. My sister at one time could sing very well, she still can I guess, but I don't hear her sing very often. I cannot sing, but my love for music makes me go forward in my life.

The grandchildren were more lucky. The youngest (a violinist) has made music his profession, and from what I understand he is doing very well. The next eldest was perhaps the most gifted musically. An excellent pianist and a superb singer. He had got the pitch perfect voice from my mother. And his intense love of music from my father. In addition his ability to play nearly all musical instruments was probably God gifted, or gifted to him from my Bheblu-Mama. The only grand daughter got my mothers' voice. Almost the exact tonal quality and the empathy she lends to her singing. From my father she got the love for music, specially his intense love for western classical got carried over to her and she still plays the same on the piano. The eldest grandchild too loves music, plays the piano a bit. However, he has not got my mothers voice.

People leave behind wealth and riches. Oh, how fortunate are you four children to receive such priceless legacy. Count your blessings, children.

P. S. My parents left behind a love of reading books, and writing. More about it later.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Untitled 1



Let there be a seat for you
At the end of the road.
A seat for you to sit
And rest your weary limbs.

Let there be a golden sunset
To help you cross the way.
A sunset full of tenderness
To welcome the new day across.

Let there be a clarity
A vision which you leave behind.
No last thoughts, not a good-bye
But you leave with your head held high.

Let there be memories
Which we treasure.
But also let there be
A new world full of peace for you.


Sunday, May 8, 2011

Arch. F J Ainsworth-Smith


This Blog is about Felicity J Ainsworth-Smith. She is 26 years old. An Architect by profession. A Britisher by nationality.

She turned up on my doorstep. Literally 'turned up' , on a stormy rainy March night with a quiet "Are you Nandini Dutta?"

She brought out a piece of paper ..... a email printout. The mail was from Shantam. Shantam wrote to her stating clearly that if ever she was in India, she was welcome at his Mum's house. There would be food and also shelter of a kind and many, many animals. The address was enclosed. Shantam did not give his Mother's email id or her phone number. The girl did not think it was strange not to have a mail id or a phone number, and just come to the address. She said the offer was made in good faith, so why need she worry?

Felicity has done her degree from Manchester, has lived in a small town in the Midlands all her life. She has a Mother (who is a potter), a grandmother, an aunt and two cousins.

"What brought you to India?" , I asked.
She said she has come to dig for her roots. Yes, she is part Indian. Her father is an Indian from Patiala. Punjab.
"So, did you find your Father?"
"No. No. My Father is in England. In Bristol".

This young woman spoke so little. I am not very good at conversation. I hardly knew this girl, and here she was, with an email printout and all, while a full fledged storm was raging outside. I offered her my very frugal dinner. She agreed. I asked her about the 'shelter' Shantam had promised. She declined. She was staying at Sudder Street, but would not mind spending a few days at my house-by-the-graveyard ...... " later in the week, perhaps?"

"So, Felicity, did you find your Father's family? Why did you Father not come with you?"
"No, Ma'am, My Father cannot come. But, yes, I did trace my Father's family. Besides, I also have come to India as a professional Architect."
"Oh. What kind of Indian Architecture?"
"Prisons. Prisons in India and other parts of the world."

In my wildest dreams, I had not ever given thought to Prison Architecture. Very gradually (this young girl is the quietest person I have met in a long, long time), over a period of a week or ten days that she was in Calcutta, the story unraveled.

Felicity told me that she has come to India because of an award she (or the firm she works for) has won for designing an ideal prison. Prison conditions are appallingly bad all over the world. British prisons are almost 'inhuman' in their architectural designs. Indian prisons were not too far behind. Felicity has come to India to visit 11 Schools of Architecture to deliver short lecture-modules on Prison Architecture. She has been interacting with the faculty and the students of the Schools, and basically "spreading awareness". Not social awareness, but something in the way of Architecture and Design and such like. The particular interest she has in Prison Architecture was because her Father is a 'lifer' in a British jail, and she has been visiting prisons and jails since she was a twelve-year old.

It is such a pity, that the cramped quarters of a prison (6' X 4') strikes a 12 year old hard enough to make life changing decisions. And yet the Social Service Wing of several Governments go completely 'blind' on such issues. Yes, she always wanted to study Architecture. The prison idea was always there at the back of her mind. I did not ask her about her Father. She did not reveal much either. She wanted to visit the Alipore Jail in Calcutta. She showed me e mails where she and Shantam had communicated on this issue. This was before, much before, she had actually designed this Idealised Version of a jail. Shantam had offered the help that his Mother could give. "She is quite good at all this kind of stuff" where the exact words. Hence, I arranged a
visit ......which led to several visits. Felicity walked around, talked to the inmates. No awkwardness, her disarming smile can put most people at ease. She talks very little anyway. She listens. She knows Hindi ..... at least well enough to get through to people. We spent a week together .... on and off ...... talking about prisons, India, Punjab and many other things. She spent three days at my house. Loved Skippy, loved Chico (who for once was quite kind to a guest). Ate rice and dal and curry. We visited North Calcutta. I showed her all the balconies of Calcutta that I adore. She was fascinated with the river. We had a good time.

She took the train to Delhi where she did manage to locate more uncles and cousins. She visited their ancestral village near Ambala. She 'loved' Red Fort and the Old Delhi area. In between she lectured at the SPA and at the BHU. She thought Banaras was 'ageless' At IIT-KGP she wanted to know about the MIG aircraft. Felicity went off to Mysore and Bangalore. leaving her luggage behind at my house. She travelled second class sleeper on the Indian Railway coaches..... it was not too warm in March.

Felicity has been on my mind for sometime. She phones from different towns where she is on this lecture-tour awareness scheme. She will be going back to the UK in July, and I hope some day there will be an ideal prison for life-time prisoners and perhaps for all other prisoners too.


If for no other reason, for the sake of Felicity.





Saturday, April 23, 2011

Girls



Overheard at a small eatery in the outskirts of Calcutta.

A very ordinary, not very old father with a small girl.... his daughter...... about 8 or 9 years old. Both sitting on a rickety bench, having a chilled Pepsi each. The girl swinging her legs, and the father doing the Bengali leg-shake.

Girl : "Baba, you know, Ma never says anything to Bhai. Never scolds him. He tore my drawing book last week, and Ma blamed me. Baba, why does Ma always scold me? "

Father : "No, Khuki. I don't think Ma scolds you intentionally. Bhai is a handful. He is a very naughty boy. Ma gets tired looking after him. She gets irritated"

Girl : "Baba, you know Gora next door? He is naughtier. He breaks all the flower pots, and steals the pickle from the terrace. He is naughtier than Bhai. Bhai is hardly a naughty boy. Gora's mother does not scold him. Neither does she scold Anu Didi"

Father : "And now, who is Anu Didi"

Girl : "Oooff Baba, you don't know ANYTHING. Anu Didi is Gora's elder sister".

Father : "Oh..."

Girl : " You have not answered me. Why does Ma scold me? Maybe she does not love me".

Father : " No. That is not true. She loves you very much. You are her first born. You are our special child, Khuki. Ma loves you."

Girl : " How do you know?"

Father : "Because she told me"

Girl : With bright eyes.... "She did? Did you ask her, or did she say on her own?"

Father: "She tells me that nearly every day. What a good girl you are. How you looked after Bhai that afternoon when Ma had to go to the temple to do her Neel er Pujo. Khuki, you must understand that Ma is overworked. She has a lot of housework to do. Maybe that is why she is irritable."

Girl : " Not all Baba. Every mother has housework to do. All mothers have to do it. When did she tell you that she loves me?"

Father : "She tells me that most times. You are a good child. Don't take Ma's scoldings to heart. She does love you, Khuki. You know that. Now, finish your Pepsi, let's go home"

Girl : "But I haven't finished talking yet. May I have another Pepsi? No? Ok, half a bottle? Please Baba, it's such a hot day."

Another bottle is ordered.

Girl : "Baba, you know Papai Dada? He is going to College next year. Baba, when will I go to College?"

Father : "Hurry up now, Khuki, you talk too much. You have to study hard to go to college."

Girl : "Yes, Baba. Can we take a chocolate home for Bhai and for Ma? Actually no. Bhai will only make a mess of the chocolate. Perhaps a big Pepsi bottle?"

Father : "Khuki, hurry up. We will take some mishti doi. Happy?. Now finish that cold drink.
And remember not to worry your mother with your tantrums. She loves you a lot. Never doubt that."

Girl : "Yes, Baba. Please tell her not to scold me so much. Baba, you know the mishti Putul Pishi brought that day? Those boro boro, norom sandesh...... well, Thama did not give Ma any. Bhai is a glutton. He had two......or very nearly would have had two, if I had not snatched some away from him. Ma did not have any. I noticed."

Father : : "Your Mother is fat as it is. She should not have any mishti at all"

Girl : "Why not? You are fat too. You have mishti all the time. No. It's just that Thama is mean to Ma. Why, Baba? Why is Thama mean to Ma and Parul er ma? Wait, I'll take the uthon jharar jhanta into the pujor ghar this evening. That should teach Thama a lesson!"

Father : "Ok. Ok. Now let's go. What a little chatter box you are! No college will ever take you. Now, wipe your face. Here, let me do it. Use your frock. Let's go. We'll have to get the mishti doi on the way back. Ooof. God knows why I brought you along. Get up. Let's go."

The Father and girl leaves with the girl happily skipping alongside.

I had taken a long bus ride. It was a very hot day. I spent some time in a small eatery drinking hot sweet tea. This conversation took place at the bench next to me. I enjoyed the tete a tete.














Friday, April 22, 2011

Just a note .... a rather long note.


A few days back a young lady asked me to suggest a 'walk' in/around Calcutta. Calcutta is a city of such variety of colour and flavour, filth and spankiness, the old and the new. Any walk, just anywhere can be a delight if the perspective is correct and the power of absorption is high.

However to this young lady I suggested a trip to the Park Street Cemetery and a walk around the area..... Park Street, McLeod Street, Park Lane, Elliot Road, Ripon Street, Sheriff Lane, Kala Goonda Lane, Sudder Street. Lanes and by-lanes with narrow paths going through courtyards and bhaatikhanas and dhobikhanas. Strange and unknown cobbled paths ending in sudden cul-se-sacs. I have always loved this area and have wondered why an average Bengali is afeared of the Elliot Road para. It's safer than Kasba and Belghoria, let me tell you.

This area of Elliot Road-Ripon Street-McLeod Street used to be the Anglo Indiandom till about the mid or late seventies. In the seventies an exodus of Anglo Indians left for Canada and Australia and England. They left behind old magnificent rococo structures in various stages of dereliction. The houses had wooden staircases and crazy-china floors. And what ornate G.I balcony grille work !

It is not really strange that the Anglo Indians and the Muslims have always shared a symbiotic relationship. The culture, religion etc being different, they did however concur on some socio-economic indices, making them peaceful and friendly neighbours to each other.It is a matter of regret that once the Anglo-Indians started moving out, the Muslims (clearly the more affluent of the two) bought up most properties and converted the elegant old houses into slick- cemented tenements. The once gracious houses are but nostalgia today. The influx of the Muslim community in the last three decades has changed the entire picture of this kingdom. However, the charm still exists in bits and pieces and an occasional whiff of 'ball-curry and yellow rice' cooking on a Sunday afternoon can be most reassuring to lost souls like us who grew up with the Hennesseys and the Laurences and the Chaters of this ' Little England'.

To begin with, Anglo Indians and Eurasians, Portuguese and Goans are all clubbed together for the sake of convenience. Anyway they all lived together in more or less perfect harmony with, I think, religion (Roman Catholics and Protestants) forming an adhesive bond. The Bengal Baptist Union building (which is now falling apart, quite literally) used to be a solid octagonal shaped building with a deep verandah in the front. The wooden louvers (painted green) still exists and the steps (13 steps, if I remember rightly) going up gives the building a high plinth and the building has cellars underneath. (Incidentally so has several other buildings in this area).

The building which houses the Calcutta Muslim Orphanage at 25C Elliot Road is another beautiful red-brick building which obviously has seen better days. Yet the old charm still peeps out of the tall top floor windows and the magnificent balcony on the top floor. The old Naskar Bakery perhaps still exists. The Naskars came from East Pakistan, and started this bakery. The house is old and square with a courtyard inside which I do not think can be matched anywhere else in this city. A courtyard paved in golden yellow sandstone which in its moment of glory in the late evening shines like a sheet of gold. Neddless to say, the level of dereliction is high. At one time this area abounded in small-time bakeries making meringues and 'fairy cakes'. I wonder if anyone still remembers the street hawkers selling " Cakes....Cakes" in Ballygunge and Beadon Street, Kalighat and Bhawanipore. These hawkers came with black tin trunks on their heads selling pink and white iced cup cakes. "Saldhanas" was a popular brand. Old Mrs. Saldhana died. Her son emigrated to Australia. Another son stayed back, but he worked in the Tram Company. Alex, the grandson plays music for a living. End of fairy cakes in black boxes. These cakes were not too bad.

The Anglo Indians were (and are still are) warm, friendly fun living people. For many of us who grew up in the golden sixties and went to SXC or LH, their company, their homes, their festivals were shared by all of us. Similarly they had no qualms about coming to our Durga Puja or Saraswati Puja. Many of them were the best 'dhunuchi dancers' I have ever seen. These boys were naturally graceful and oh so full of music.

The Armenians too lived in this area. Old fashioned and gracious people. Old Mrs John may still be around. She does not however consider herself to be a 'true-blue' resident. First, her accommodation is rented. Second, Armenians are NOT Anglo Indians. Notwithstanding these two points, I consider her to be a very elegant lady (she can be a warrior too) for, she has been a great support to the Armenian Society, their Church and their School and College (William M Thackeray's house) for decades. The Armenian boys were mighty handsome and many of them went to School in the Darjeeling Hills. Many of them are still my friends. Old Mackertich John (the original Armenian) owned the Carlton Hotel, a part of the city's oldest hostelry. The building does not exist any more. It has been converted to an office block.

At one time there used to be trams on Elliot Road (now there are these monstrous autos) and there used to be a few 'ladies' special. These special trams used to take the Anglo Indian (read all those who lived on Elliot Road area) 'chicks' to office in the Dalhousie Square area. These girls were well dressed, and they knew how to carry their clothes. The SXC boys and the locals used to have big fights over these ladies in the 'ladies special'. The girls and boys were all very musical.

Mrs Misquita (from SXC) used to live in 61 Elliot Road and there are a few hundreds who learnt the piano from her. There were two pianos in her house, a Collard and Collard and also a high studio level Rachals. Even today, a search in this area might reveal a few dusty Steinway's or maybe a small English Holden. Mrs Peterson (also of SCX) was another true-blue resident and generations of SXC boys learnt their English Speech and Elocution from her and her sharp slaps. Mr. Melvyn Brown ( formerly of the SXC Library) and his son Warren still lives on what is called the Chotta Elliot Road in No.3. This old house is really beautiful inside. Warren Brown says it was built in 1901, and they have been living here since 1920. Nevermind the dates, the house is worth a visit and old Warren Brown is a store house of information on/about the community.

Mrs Misquita's house by itself was a large and airy flat. Huge bedrooms, huge verandahs. More to the point, the other house in the same compound still stands as a redbrick mansion. It now houses a nursing home.

All these old houses, with their old inmates have a story to tell. The wooden staircase (at one time polished), the cellars below the houses. (Shantam and Craig once broke open the netting and went in) hold such mysteries. There are so many stain glass windows, sandstone facades, regally constructed steps upto the high plinth ....... all these are waiting to give up the ghost, so to say.

The inside of the houses also are beautiful. Even now. Crazy china flooring, or else a bright red or black IPS flooring. An altar in almost every house, with photographs of Mother Mary and Sacred Heart of Jesus. Complete with small blue and red altar lights. Dark ebony or Burma teak furniture. Almost always some cats or dogs. Waterford glasses. Old Domit ceramic water filters. A hat/umbrella stand at the entrance. On Sundays the smell of yellow rice and ball curry. Chinese sausages on Free School Street. Osteria type of Chinese food (my children called it 'dirty anglo food') from a few old Chinese families. Heavenly taste. Authentic Chinese. Nothing dirty about it at all. We never fell sick. The 'gully' football which I played when I was six. Sanjoy played when he was a little older and Sajani and Shantam played till they were in School. Roughest version on 'footer' you can get in Calcutta. (Maybe the SXC backfield 'footer' games were as bad). Same gully, same football game. Equally rough. Only the ghost of the previous generation of players keeping a silent and watchful eye on the young and new boys.

A note must be made of all other communities who all lived here. All in complete harmony. Came from all parts of the country, all religion, all trades .... the tailor, the bhistiwallah, the butcher, the lala-man (grocer), the dhobi, the baker, the hooch-maker, the teacher, the priest, the jockey, the boxwallah, the telephone operator, the nurse, the law maker, the law breaker, the cabbie, the shippie, the old ricky men who carted the ladies to New Market, the bar tender, the can can dancer, the vet and the doctor. Such wonderful communal feeling. Never have I ever felt unsafe here. Never have I ever hesitated in letting my children run loose in the Elliot Road para. They played football, ate street food, learnt music, did choir practice, played hooky from School, danced on the streets, waded through floodwaters, went exploring wine-making on Sheriff Lane. And came out unscathed. Safest place to grow up in, no matter who says what.

One thing that is not be found on the streets of this mahalla is the typically Anglo Indian lingo. Not anymore. The soft sing-song accent, the choicest of expletives that used to splatter every sentence, the "I say, man" English which we grew up with is not here any more. The "Daramtallah" ( the h after the d is always dropped) trip of the young missy is greatly missed. The word "Ricky-man" (hand pulled rickshaw puller) is nonexistent . Gone too is the slow drawl of "....saalah". A totally local pronunciation of the word. All these have been replaced by the Bollywood Hindi / English. A version, I 'm afraid I am not very comfortable with.

With the old people nearly all gone (to Heaven or elsewhere), a walk in this area is sheer nostalgia. True enough some still live here. There are the Johnsons, the Braganzas, old Miss Eaton and her dogs and cats, the Futardos, the Pintos, the Purtys, the Bowens, the Rodricks, the de Donckers and some other families. There is also Debapriya Sen Gupta who lives in Nawab Sirajul Islam Lane. His is perhaps the only Bengali Hindu family to live here since 1949. Rahim Khan, the butcher stays on McLeod Street. Farley Rodrigues , a jolly old man on Elliot Road. The Bayliss family. My tailor old Masterji (Asraf) , who made my dresses when I was a baby and then a teenager. Who also stitches for Sajani and puts up with our collective nonsense.

A place to loaf. A place to gallivant. A place to sniff out nostalgia. A walk I take often enough. So does Sajani for old times sake. Shantam for 'footer' and music. Steeped in memories for me, but good enough for the new-comer.

Come, let's walk.