Solitude

Solitude is a very individualistic word. It's a condition (or at times a process) appreciated only by a small minority. To most people solitude is synonymous with loneliness and verges on eccentricity.I have for many years been trying to get people to understand the difference between aloneness and loneliness. It's been a futile teaching experience. I can be articulate. I make a living out of it. However, somehow on this topic, I do not push too hard. If people are happy confusing the two very different states.....I back off.

Personally I do not like crowds. Most people are apprehensive about solitude (I think they mean loneliness here), I revel in solitude. Wedding parties, clubs, shut-in airports, melas and fairs, even a large congregation in church leaves me quite unhappy.....sometimes even claustrophobic. The general idea is larger the crowd, more successful the event. Frightening !!!! What harm is there in a walk taken alone? Or reading a book? Or listening to music? Or talking to your dog? Everything does not have to be shared. Why do people have to link solitude with loneliness and unhappiness? Their minds are not deep enough to appreciate the balm of solitude, they are afraid of life, of coming to terms with themselves. They always need support (shallow support) around them, to make their lives complete.

I have to earn a living. My job is not bad as such, but I have to work under undemocratic and non-communicative authority. There is little I can do to change the circumstances. I have responsibilities at home....I enjoy my family, therefore they do not stress me. There are times I need to go away in the hills, or go to the countryside, or even city by-lanes. Anywhere where "I can be I". However such escapes are not always possible. So, over the years, I have learned to switch off my mind as and when needed. I enjoy undisturbed serenity in the old house by the graveyard. I can dream endlessly and create a philosophy of life while walking in the hills. I can quietly contemplate on a sea shore. I leave behind the nagging cares of life and the bedlam of ordinary life. I take off into my own world......solitude. I accept the natural world as I find it, as it presents itself to me, and have not found any great need to change it.

I do not have to shun people or public life. I do not turn my back on the world. I love my family, my students, my friends. I do not ditch people, or ignore my responsibilities, or even dump my friends. My solitary spirit can move around in a crowd or with the crowd while still holding on to my innate reserve. My aloneness I treasure. I am fiercely protective about it.

My life can end with complete anonymity, but I have captured the solitude of the oceans, the stillness of the desert, the serenity of the mountains. I can carry them in my inner-eye. The present can be easily wiped out......for a while at least.

The sea, the mountains, the desert......the relatively underpopulated parts of the world appeal to me. To my soul. To my spirit.

Let me remain in my own small patch (which is not so small really) and yet see the world in a grain of sand.

Let me be.